Saturday, August 20, 2011

Last Saturday

My head hurt so much today. I just had the worst headache, nonstop headache, for hours this afternoon.  I tried to take a 30 minute nap, but of course that didn't really work well with Olivia's plan to get out of her bed during nap nap-time and put eyeshadow all on her forehead and then panic because it got all in her bed.  So I thought maybe a good home cooked meal of comfort foods, such as squash casserole and homemade brownies (as well as other things) might be just what I needed.  That only created more dirty dishes than I felt like cleaning.  Then I thought about taking a shower before reading the girls stories ... that just seemed to give my girls more of an energy boost and bedtime seemed to come much later because winding down from a bit of extra free time at night obviously takes a houseful of girls quite a bit of time!

Then finally after they were all in bed I just felt so tearful.  I couldn't really put my finger on it.  Surely I wasn't crying just because I had a headache!  No, I realized it's just been a powerful first week after Richard's leave ended.  Last Saturday there were two cups in the cup holder.  Last Saturday the seven of us spent the morning at the pool.  Last Saturday Richard and I had dinner out ... alone.  Last Saturday he gave the girls a little something to let him know he was thinking of them and going to miss them.  Last Saturday was our last day with him.  It's been a busy and full week.  I guess I've just not had a chance to really process the separation and work through those emotions.  I think they were just pushed back to the bottom of the list and my head couldn't take the ignoring of them anymore.

We had a nice day today, we really did.  I am always so thankful for our life and for the sustainment that God gives me so abundantly.  But even on the nice days, I miss Richard sometimes even more than I myself realize.

I'm thankful to know that he misses me too.

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