Friday, October 28, 2011
Last Friday In October
It is pouring down rain right now. Makes me think of the last visit Richard was here when we were throwing the football and it just started to pour. We just kept throwing. Neither of us said anything or missed a beat. We just kept throwing the ball. I guess we both just wanted to hang on to that moment for as long as we could. I guess we both knew it would be a while until we would be able to have a moment like that again.
Today was a very dreary Fall day, but the lack of color in the sky was more than made up by the beautiful red, yellow and orange trees that seemed to glory in all the attention the grey day brought to them. I love the sunshine, don't get me wrong, but I more than soak up a quiet grey day every now and then. For some reason my mind is stronger on these days. There is a stillness in the grey that almost seems to shut the busyness around me down and bring the specialness of the here and now into the forefront. The trees reminded me of that. They were just as red and yellow and orange yesterday, but it took a negative to make them stand out. I think there's a lot to learn in that observation ...
It is Friday night. Like many families, that means movie night at 57. I have to be honest, I usually spend movie time cleaning. I have five girls, I homeschool, my husband is (always) gone … there just aren't enough hours in the day. So while little people are occupied watching a movie, I clean. But tonight the girls wanted to watch Polar Express. That movie starts out so quiet and is unbelievably captivating and magical to me. Seeing three little people cleaned and cozy in their pjs, I just couldn't resist taking in at least a little of this moment. This movie isn't new, but they are young and they are still able to see it with new eyes each year. Just sitting there watching them I wondered how they have grown so much in just the past 6 months that Richard has been gone. I wondered what they think about without him around. I wondered what they remember when they think of their Daddy. Richard told Kate on the phone today, "I'll be home soon, ok." Kate just responded with "OK" in a "it is soooooo long past soon" sort of way. They can't grasp his absence … not at this age and especially not with living in a civilian community. None of their friend's Dad's are Military and none of their friend's Dad's are gone. Sometimes I feel so sad for them. I don't want to say that they miss not having anybody in their life but their Momma, but I know that they notice it. But then I remember that God has a plan and that new days begin with happy little faces coming downstairs to excitedly tell me good morning. It is then that I am reminded that God is bigger than all of this and that His plans are perfect and that I need not to worry at all.
Tonight is the last Friday in October for the year. That means next Friday it'll be November. November! I knew November would come, but I tell ya, last April November just seemed too far to grasp. Folks, we are making it. The Battalion Richard is assigned to has the motto "Forward Always." What a perfect motto for this journey. Yes, we are moving forward … forward always.
Soon it will be Christmas and to our surprise we found out this week that Richard will most likely not only get R&R, but that he'll get it over Christmas. There is no way I'm spoiling this surprise for the girls! What an amazing blessing out of nowhere! Nothing is ever 100%, but he's put in his dates. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. I just can't imagine. Richard home … home for Christmas. There is nothing more I'd rather give the girls. Nothing. They have been the biggest heroes over the past 9 years. Such my little inspirations. They've had to sacrifice way too much, but they are so much stronger already than I could ever dream of being.
Little girls in pjs with blankets and stuffed animals. I didn't get done what I wanted to do tonight, but I got done what I needed to.
The gift of being a military wife is that the grey of sacrifice illuminates the beauty of life. This week wasn't perfect and I think I had a day or two that were probably some of the hardest days I've ever had. But the week's over and it ended in a super sweet way. I am thankful for the hard that not only refuses to let me miss the good, but that forces me to seek it out with all my might.
God is always present. Always.
To Him be the Glory.