Wednesday, February 8, 2012

We Battle Too

It is almost 4pm.  I have about six minutes before nap-time is over.  I should be elated that another day is quickly evading me.  That's something to get excited about, right? That means just one more day closer to Richard coming home, right?  Right.  But you know the funny thing about deployment is that while I am so ready for it to be over with, I am not willing to just let life go in the process.  Life is too precious to just sit around and wait for it to pass ... even if the waiting is for something as great as a soldier coming home from war.  I am so ready, yes, so ready to get this deployment over with.  BUT, I want to make the most of our days here and be successful ... accomplish things and be a good steward of our time while Richard is away.  I want to fight my battles and end this deployment with wins, rather than losses.

My battles? Yes, while I don't sleep in a tent on a cot that collapses in the middle when I sit on it to tie my boots, and while I don't walk to work and to a cold shower in 3 degree temperatures (just to name a few "fun" current issues), I do have battles that I face on the home front.  Battles that leave me drained and weary and frustrated many, many days.  Today I won a lot of those battles, but I feel so beat up by the combat that victory seems anything but victorious.  Today was (and I know it's far from over at this point) one of those days that "on paper" was victorious, but emotionally it was just so draining.

Doughnuts for Dad for Kate's class was today.
Patterson had her first orthodontist appointment today.
I called Veritas and had my first conversation for the High School Honors Program for my Hanson Ellis.
(homeschooling just got a lot more expensive!)
I still could not get Parker to sweep the floor.
I forgot to eat breakfast and ate lunch standing up, again.
When Olivia's teacher told her class to not forget about Doughnuts with Dad tomorrow, she said, "Everyone has a Dad.  But mine's in Affastan."  Her teacher asked me "Is her Grandpa going to come?" As much as I tried, I couldn't help but have tears roll down my cheeks.

When I sit down to check my email, I get an email from Richard with the subject line "42."
When I open it up, I find this

Psalm 42
 1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
   When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
   day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
   as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
   under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
   among the festive throng.
 5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him, 
   my Savior and my God. 

Yes, today the battle was won here on the home front.  And while I am emotionally drained, I am reminded of from where my help comes and in whom I should put my hope.  I am drained, but I am thankful for my battles and am thankful for my soldier and I will praise my God always.

Proud of Kate who dreaded this day, but rejoiced in surviving it!  I am thankful God makes little people so strong!! I am thankful for a husband who always seems to know just what I need, and I am thankful that God puts me in situations that keep me close to Him.

I am thankful for our days ... even when they are draining and even when they are spent with our family on opposite parts of the world, separated by war.

My hope is not in the end of this deployment, but in God.
To Him be the glory.

1 comment:

  1. Such a good post MK. Your words were so good for me to hear. I feel like it's Groundhog day over here {the movie}. Every day is the same. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I just want to get through the day in hopes that tomorrow we will hear some good news. I don't want to just "get through" the days though. I know it is a blessing to be home and to have this period of time where Ben doesn't have to report to work everyday. It's so hard to enjoy this time when we're both so stressed out. I want to be joyful and hopeful even in this season of waiting.