Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The Real Reason
Sometimes it all just sort of hits ya. I know I posted a couple days back about how I just sort of felt numb to Richard coming home. Well, that is, for me, a defense mechanism. Now that we are so close, my heart is ready to take in the thought of him back for a while. I don't wake up and say, "Okay, today is the day I'm going to start getting motivated about his return." No, it just sort of happens. And now that it has, I cannot express to you how happy this Momma of five is going to be to have her husband home this weekend and for more than just the weekend. At the end of the day, after I've put everyone to bed and turned out all the lights upstairs, except for the laundry room b/c there is always laundry going:), I walk downstairs and see toys forgotten to be put up, dishes left to be done, the vacuum is still in the living room ... I push a chair in and there is something sticky on it ... and I see little drawings everywhere of sheep and happy people and Olivia's famous pages filled with nothing but the "O's". I see books out that we've read and I remember giggles that were had. I'm not happy to have Richard home because I need him here. I'm happy to have him home because we are a family. Sitting on beds and talking to big girls who I swear were little girls just yesterday ... feeling little arms reach around my neck and squeeze me tight ... Today was a day that happens only once. I missed having Richard being a part of this day. The girls missed having their Daddy being a part of this day. And Richard, Richard just simply missed out. He missed it. I support my husband a million% and then some, but you know it would have been a blessing to have him here today. Phone calls, Skype, Facetime, emails, letters, videos ... you name it. They just don't replicate or capture the moment quite the way you wish they could. The day to day is hard, no doubt about it, but that's not our number one reason for wanting him home. It's not about what I need, but more about what he doesn't get.
I was so proud of Hanson Ellis today. She grew up a little today; got a little stronger. Tonight as I looked at her and listened to her talk and smile and just be herself, I was hit by what a blessing I've been given to be called "Momma." She has been through so much without her Daddy and yet she is just the sweetest, cutest 13 year old I know. My heart rejoices that her Daddy will be able to share in being here in her life and her sisters lives for the next couple of weeks.
We are a family and it is nice to know we'll be together again. Very, very nice.