Thursday, October 13, 2011
On Thursdays, Parker has dance for two hours, then Hanson Ellis has dance for an hour. The dance studio just so happens to be right across the street from the YMCA, so I drop her off and take the others with me. Hanson Ellis packs a dinner (soup, usually),and I do my thing. Then I get the girls and let them climb the climbing wall for thirty minutes before we have to pick up Parker and drop off Hanson Ellis. Between the dance studio and the YMCA there is a Chick fil a. And every Thursday night, the younger four and I sit around a round table and eat. It's usually not very crowded at all. Tonight it was packed! But as I sat there and looked around the table ... and watched Olivia enjoying every single bite of her ice cream sundae:), it hit me how thankful I am to have a husband that provides for the girls and me. How awesome to have someone work so hard and never question how we spend "his" money. Okay, well he did ask once when hung up a towel and saw the mass of hair bows on the back of the door how much money we had spent on those (ha!!!), but overall, no ... he doesn't question. Now maybe that's not a big deal for you, but sitting there I was thinking about how anxious I was for him to get his router and hook up his ipad so he could send me his journal entries from the last three weeks. I cannot wait to get lost in his words and photos. How different our lives are right now. Just knowing a teeny bit of what he did most of his day yesterday and observing what we were doing just then ... it is very surreal to say the least. Very powerful and very humbling to just recognize the blessing of the moment; the gift of life. People often talk about how "they found God." But what struck me tonight was how really wrong that statement is. We don't find God, He finds us!
Olivia and Kate attend a Baptist preschool. I love that they do. My favorite part is probably the great oldies but goodies of songs that they sing there. For instance today Olivia came home and decided to rearrange all of the magnets on the refrigerator while singing "Oh, how I love Jesus! Oh, how I love Jesus! Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me!" Did you get that, "because He first loved me." No, it is not us who find Him, but the other way around. And one of the greatest things about our God is that he never lets us forget that no matter what, He is always there. The evidence of His love is all around. Yes, times can be so hard. There are so many issues from relationships, to finances, to health ... or to just a lonely day. But God is always there loving us through it all. And when we forget this, how often does He find us there and remind us.
It is so lonely without Richard ... especially since we are not in a military town. I know everybody has different things they go through in life, but for a military wife whose husband is deployed, the loneliness felt while sitting in a room full of people just cannot be described. It is always there. Always. And I don't care if I've had the best day ever, as soon as I have just one minute of down time the lonely feeling instantly starts screaming for my attention. At this point in our marriage, I've learned to expect it and I'm able to handle it so much better than in years past. But it's there and always will be. And to extent I am glad. I'm glad that no matter how much time we've spent apart, I am always yearning to be together. It doesn't happen that way for everyone, so while I dread the lonely moments, I recognize the gift.
Tonight it really hit me the gift of it just being a Thursday night. There are a lot of blessings in those four hours for the girls and me. And I am so thankful to be reminded once again that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Nothing.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose." "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:28 & 35a & 37
Missing my PSYOPER tonight. Praising God for His protection over him the last 24 days. And giving thanks for not just getting through another week flying solo, but for conquering it.
To Him be the glory.