Monday, January 16, 2012

Another Birthday & What You May Not Know

Today was our Parker's tenth birthday!  What a sweet day.  But I must admit, having two out of five in the double digits is ... well, different.  All day long I just kept thinking about that.  My world of a house full of little people is starting to change.  There are four years between my older two, but not even two between my second and third ... just three between the third and fourth and then not even two between the last two.   Okay, I'm certain if any of you followed that it is only because you read over it a couple of times:).  My point is that for so long we were a family of make believe and simple.  That is changing.  We enjoyed one in the double digits a while but it's not going to be long before they are all there.  Every night, every single night I lay in bed and think more about how few the years are with the girls at home, than I do about all the years behind us.  No, no, no ... I 'm not thinking this in an "I can't wait!" sort of way, nor am I thinking of this in a "what am I going to do when they are gone?????" sort of way.  No, I just think about it.  I don't want to miss a single minute. I am excited about what the future holds, because I know how amazing the past has been.  It is all so bittersweet to me and it is all coming, well, maybe ... just maybe a tad bit too fast. I'd like to say all of this is because Richard has missed so much of it.  But I'm sure that I'd feel this way even if he hadn't:).  

In looking back at old images I have on my computer, I found this one of Richard in Iraq.  

Oh my word!! He looks like he is right out of college!  (high school maybe:)!!) Where has the time gone?!  

I also came across a blog yesterday where a wife was talking about the struggles of reintegration ... of when our soldiers come home and how it has been very difficult for her family.  That post made me sad.  Richard and I have not had a perfect relationship.  Anyone who is married, military or not, is not surprised by that.  But we are still together and what a humbling blessing that is!

If you've read even just a handful of my posts, you know that I struggle with Richard gone.  While I fully support him (and all too many times I even catch myself encouraging him:)!), I wish so much that he were home more.  But what you may not know is that while I want him home so much, I want even more to live life to the fullest with or without him here.  I want to honor him as his wife and love my girls the way they need it ... even when I feel like I cannot muster up one more smile.  I want to do my best and praise God ... especially when everything within me is telling me that it's all just too much.  

I mess up a whole lot and fall all to short of this goal daily, but I am humbly learning through all of this  new ways to be on my knees. And honestly, I think that's a great place to be.

It was a special day for our Parker.  She's growing up!  She's going to do well in life and be a hard little worker one day:).  And don't be surprised if you see her swimming for BAMA one day!  She's totally built for swimming (and loves it!!).  I was happy Richard was able to FaceTime her this morning.  She was literally beaming with delight!  It was so sweet to hear her tell him that she liked to "see" him and loved how he "always smiled so big":). Love that girl and that soldier of mine!! 

Oh and I didn't make our tried and true sweet potato cake this year, but a new recipe that was really very, very good!  You can find it here.

Okay, I'm babbling ... 
Thankful for today.  Blown away that this girl has had four birthdays at 57!! Excited to have another "event" without Richard behind us.  Looking forward to having him home to celebrate with us next year!

To God be the Glory.

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