Thursday, January 19, 2012
It's been two weeks since Richard returned to Afghanistan. Just two weeks and it seems not so much like an eternity, but just like those 15 days that he was home was a dream or something. In the past two weeks, we've shown our house, Alabama won the National Championship!!, we received a contract on our house, we started back school and activities and Richard left his FOB (forward operating base) shortly after arriving back there, to go to another location for a new job and we've celebrated a birthday. It's been anything but "normal" at 57 and very much high on emotions.
It was hard to walk back into the gym after having the gift of Richard go with me during R&R, but once I did I felt overwhelmed with a sense of being. I know that sounds crazy, but the gym has truly become my little escape. Richard says I've turned into a gym rat. Those of you who know me know how funny that sounds:). But I suppose there is a teeny bit of truth to that. While I feel incredibly guilty the entire drive to the gym for leaving the girls at home, I benefit so much from the time I spend there. I wish I had a partner to meet, but you know it is nice to have an hour or so to just be quiet and think and pray and still my mind. And it feels so nice, too, to channel all of my frustrations and exhaustions into weights and running. But the pressure of managing all that fills my day is always there and I have my moments. However, I think the most emotional moments that I have are those that come when I realize how abundantly God is providing and how He has not forgotten me. There are so many people in the world ... and so many people who do really amazing things! And then there's me. A stay at home Momma. Don't get me wrong, this is a big job, but I'm not exactly Martha or Mary in it:). If I were God, I'm sure I would easily overlook me. But God doesn't. He sees me ... knows me and my needs and is right there with just what I need, even when I didn't know how to ask.
Yesterday a stranger told me "good job" when I finished my run. Today an old friend, who I don't talk to very much, sent me a message and told me "good job." I needed to hear that. Richard hasn't been able to talk much lately and so I've missed my pep talks:). And naturally, since I haven't had my pep talks it seems that everything I do is an epic fail moment. God knows that. He designed it that way. He knows my heart, knows I need to be reminded where my strength comes from and puts me in situations where He can show me that all is well.
I thought about all of this on my drive home from the gym tonight. Tears just flowed.
Driving Olivia to school this morning she said, "Momma, I want to give you a hug when I get out." Okay, I said. But after the long wait in carpool and then the rush to get her out of the van in the 20 degree weather, she didn't seem to remember the hug and I didn't want to hold up the line, so I let it go. Driving off I saw the teacher who was walking her in stop and let her watch me drive off. I knew she remembered then about the hug. I drove around to the side of the building where I could walk in, and went to her room to give her a hug. Tonight when I tucked her in bed she said, "Momma you give the best hugs to me!" She remembered that little event from this morning and her three year old little heart was happy. That made my thirty eight year old heart happy too. Nine months down, somewhere around seven more to go ... I can do this, and it's all going to be okay. God's got a plan for our family and it is good.
Oh, how I love my little family. And oh how thankful I am that despite my epic fails, God continues to give me a heart to try again, and even keep that bar high, day after day.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing."
To Him be the Glory!