Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thank You Anonymous!

I wrote this last night in response to an Anonymous post on a blog entry that I posted yesterday and then deleted.  Here it is from my email inbox

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Here We Go": 

Oh, please! Put your big girl Army wife panties on and deal with it. 

Posted by Anonymous to five girls the army and me at February 16, 2011 5:47 PM

I wrote the post yesterday for me. It was the sort of post to just get something off my mind, yet record it so I wouldn't  forget the moment.  I know many of you read it before it was deleted, but for those of you who didn't, it was very brief ... only a couple of lines.  Anyway, it was not my intention to sound like I couldn't survive a deployment.  It was more of a response to an exhaustion of I just didn't want to.

I didn't post this response because I just wanted to think about it for a while.  And think about it I did.  And you know what?  I owe ANONYMOUS a thank you.  While I do not think whoever this person is did the "right" thing in posting a very mean comment, it really put a little motivation in me.  So, thank you to whoever you are!  I really did some soul searching last night and realized just how blessed I am.  God has provided me with so much strength and endurance.  In all of the years of deployments and babies, I've never had a maid.  I have been able to continue to homeschool my girls.  I've not had to take prescription drugs to get through a deployment or a reunion.  I've never cheated on my husband or even desired to.  I've never spent a night out at the bars with the girls living it up to escape reality, and I still manage to iron my shirts, wash my hair, make three meals and tuck the girls in after curling up with stories each day.  So again, thank you Anonymous for the encouragement you sent!  Now if you could just send me some new big girl Army wife panties, I'd appreciate it.  I think I've worn mine out.

Below is my response to "Anonymous."

(Daddy's home November 09)

Wow. So I just received my first classless comment.  Lovely.  I have this blog for me.  It is a little different of an outlet than my paper journal.  It is a glimpse into my life and a way I can hold myself accountable to remember my countless blessings.  Sometimes in order to do that we have to acknowledge our struggles, label them and then move on, only later to reflect and see the blessing in them or in the process of getting through them.

I am an Army wife.  I love being an Army wife because I love my husband and he is in the Army, so therefore that makes me love being an Army wife.  I posted earlier about our upcoming separation for training and then a deployment.  In the last 8 years my husband has been home 2.  This deployment will take him from us 18 months.  That is roughly 540 days.  Our oldest started Kindergarten during his first separation from us that was supposed to be just 2 weeks, but after his being gone a week and a half, a fellow Officer showed up at our door to get more clothes ... enough for a little over 5 months.  When he returns from this deployment, she will be halfway through the 9th grade.  On top of that, he is out processing his current duty station to be reassigned to the one he'll deploy from and then once his deployment is over, we are assigned to yet another duty station.  So, I get to experience selling our house and moving alone.  This is the first house we've ever owned, thus the first house we've ever had to sell.  No, this is not a worse case scenario, but there is a whole lot there to take in.  At least there is for me.  I don't know about ANONYMOUS, who so kindly encouraged me to "Put my big girl Army panties on," but for me it is all a little draining.  Am I unthankful for my life?  No.  Do I not see the blessings in my life?   Yes, I do.  Will I survive the next year and a half?  By God's grace, I'm fully confident that I will more than survive.  But am I excited about the separation?  Absolutely not.  Will I sit around and cry my eyes out?  Maybe some, but not non-stop.  Will I feel sorry for myself?  No.  I am thankful that God has given me, a sinner, a capacity to love and miss my husband, another sinner.  What an amazing gift that is!  Do I struggle with the balance of living each day now and not trying to "wish" the days away.  TOTALLY!  Sometimes I think it is almost impossible to find the balance there.  With all of the planning for the future, it is so difficult to remain focused on the present!

--- sigh ---

I do not deny that God has placed our family here in a civilian community for a reason.  I enjoy so much about being set apart from the military community, but I miss the comforts it brings in times like this.  I know, however, that God has us here to grow us in His likeness.  I am excited about the end result, but refining is so hard:).

I have served our country via the support of my husband.
I have served our country via countless volunteer hours in the Army.  I have been so graciously thanked by being awarded various awards and I was even so humbled to have received The Outstanding Civilian Service Medal.

I am not a wimp and I am in no need of big girl Army panties.  (and please tell me someone else is laughing at how ridiculous that statement is!!)

I am wife, who gets frustrated from time to time with her husband:), but who wholeheartedly adores him and enjoys having him around.  I love life and I hate war.  And I 100% believe that I absolutely do not dishonor my husband by saying that if I had a choice, I'd rather have him home.  There is no honor in stoicism, nor is there any truth in it either.

Whoever you are Anonymous, I will pray for you tonight.  You are a coward to comment so harshly without a face and you are out of line to pass judgement on another who you only know bits and pieces about.

To God be the Glory!


  1. I just want you to know that I don't think there are any "Big Girl Army wife panties" that could help me handle the struggles that you do. I admire you more than you know. I admire you for homeschooling your girls, for buying a house knowing you would probably have to move within a few years. I admire all the things you do and your christian attitude. I pray for you often, and I am thankful that you are thankful that someone said something so un-called-for to you to make you soul search. But anonymous, you should be ashamed of yourself. I love you, MK!!! (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

  2. And I just want to add a side note ...
    I am elevating myself above others as far as deployments that we've experienced as a family or how I've not ha to have help or medical assistance. Those are real issues and the families in the military (and the soldiers) are struggling tremendously right now. It is very telling and very sad how many families have fallen apart in the military since 9/11. Suicides are on the rise and at record levels and the amount of wives on prescription medicine is way too high. My point in stating what I did was to illustrate that it is tough and some things even the best of us can't suck up ... not in our own strength at least. No one, not even the wife experiencing her first deployment should ever, ever be told what I was told. Bottom line.

  3. My husband is due home, soon, after a 2 year deployment. He has been gone for the past four years of my six and five year olds lives. One of my children has special needs and requires LOTS of extra time and attention. I am not ashamed to admit that I have used prescription medication to help me get through these years. I think it is cruel and ignorant for you to pass judgement on those that do. I have never, once, whined about my husband having to be away. He is doing his job and he is doing it honorably. The reason I do not complain is not because I am a martyr nor do I put him on an unrealistic pedestal. I do not complain because I am fortunate enough to not be a Gold Star family. I have food on my table and a roof over my head. My husband is walking off the plane with all his limps and his brain intact. I am eternally grateful for everything the Army has afforded us. Mostly, however, I am grateful that I am picking him up from the airport and not greeting his body at Andrews Air Force Base. So, Mary Katharine, I do think you are whining and I do think you sound ungrateful. You are judgmental, antagonistic, and spoiled. You owe all Army wives an apology for your snide comment about medication. Who the hell are you to make such a statement?

  4. "A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul." Prov 18:6-7

    I think it's safe to say only a FOOL would say such a thing as that.

    Will be praying for your family.

    -A different anonymous

  5. I love you and I am so sorry about the deployment.

  6. I am not a wife of a soldier. We do have struggles, but not like the ones that military wives have to deal with , with their husbands being away for extended periods of time. Plus the worry of whether they will arrive home again. It takes a lot of faith in God to be a soldier and to be the wife of one, in my humble opinion. Mary Katherine, you are a blessing ! I feel like I know you well enough to know that you are not judgemental, just real. You have used this blog to journal your feelings and maybe someone does not like it. They do not have too. You are a strong person and your big girl panties fit just fine. As a matter of fact, you wear them well and maybe you find the time to "sport" a variety . HA ! YOU are being VERY realistic about your feelings and not putting your head in the sand. We love your family and know that GOD will strengthen both of you during this lengthy deployment. For those who have taken issue with this, we all handle things differently, and my friend does a very good job at what she does... I do not see you , MK, as ungrateful. I think that working through all of these issues takes a lot of "heart" work knowing that GOD does supply your needs . From what I have seen , you are unwavering in your trust. That quiet trust knowing that God is in control when we are dreading something or know that life is going to give us something that is much bigger than what we can wrap our heads around. I will for sure pray for peace for you as you take care of your family while your husband is away.

  7. I meant to say that I am not, absolutely not elevating myself. I'm sure if I had more time to type and not going in a hundred directions my grammar would be better. Oh, definitely yes I apologize for leaving that out ... I am not accusing or putting down anyone ... I think MB if you re read my comment you'll see that. Good for you for not complaining! And good for you for taking care of yourself. My point was only that there is a lot going on and it is very hard for a lot of people. You know, I should have left my original post. I fully believe a lot of people are struggling and maybe some wouldn't need prescription medicine if there was a little more freedom to just, well, take a deep breath and admit, "hey, war is hard and I really don't feel like doing this again." I should have left my original post. I started it by saying I didn't want to sound like I was whining, because I don't want to whine and I certainly don't feel ungrateful or hopeless ... but I needed to get my blues off my mind and for me writing does that.
    MB, I can see how leaving off "not" made me seem judgmental ... not sure about the agonistic part, after all, this is my blog and no one is forced to read it. As for spoiled, yes, I am. I am a sinner saved by grace and no one could be more spoiled than that.
    Glad to hear your husband is coming home soon and is alive and well. I hope the deployment cycle will be much easier on you in the future.

  8. I will never understand what motivates someone to leave a discouraging or snide comment. Can't they just keep their negative thoughts to themselves?

    Best wishes as you face this next deployment. I can't imagine what it is like, but I pray the time will be blessed abundantly! I believe God will honor the life you and your husband lead, and the seeds you sow into your children and this country.

  9. Anyone who wrote something like that is obnoxious. We all have our ups and downs with deployments. I hate people who think that the way they react is the way everyone should react. You are a wonderful person Mary Katherine and a great mom! Feel free to vent and those of us who love you will continue to support you. Probably it was a troll or it wouldn't have been anonymous. I've had one of those before.

  10. I LOVE YOU!!!

    In all seriousness though, truly do (as I know you faithfully will) find the love and forgiveness in your heart to pray for this person. This person is only anonymous to us readers but not the True and Living God. This person obviously is hurting and therefore feels maybe an ounce of joy in bringing others down to the level of disappointment in life and lack of joy as she has/is experienced. Oh, if she only knew that there is Joy to overflowing in the Blood of our Saviour. And if She has forgotten maybe she will find it again, and you were used and your blog as a tool to show her. The best and most loving thing we all can do is pray for this person and their family.

    As far as "Big girl Panties go", well last I heard Super Woman (MK) doesn't need 'em. She sports her own just fine!

    Sorry I missed that post.

  11. MB, I don't know you, but it sounds like you are lashing out at Mary Katharine in a major way...Why are you so angry about something she posts on HER blog!? Don't read it, then! It's her blog- she can vent, be "real," discuss a rough day, is her online journal, and she can say what she wants!! I'm her sister-in-law, and I'm sure I know her a lot better than you do. MK is not spoiled, she does not think she's better than anyone, and she definitely DOES support her husband in his career. Are you hypersensitive about taking medication? I take it, too, and MK knows I do. We all have different ways of coping with things. You sound like you are elevating YOURself by saying that you don't complain!! That's great that you don't, but that is your way of dealing with things. Name-calling is not nice, by the way. I do think it's pretty mean to lash out like that. :(

  12. I've gotten behind on my blog reading and saving the BEST for last. Soooo, I missed the [now deleted] blog post.

    Whatever to Anonymous.

    And kudos to you for finding grace in the situation. I wouldn't have been so kind. And that is why I like your blog.

    Oh gosh, I'm so ticked off right now about that. We owe you our thanks for being a stay-at-home mom while your husband is deployed for our safety and well-being.

    Hugs to you, one of my favorite bloggers.

  13. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with Anonymous. I for one am blessed to read your blog. Your wisdom, humility and kind heart come shining through. Please don't stop being honest about the hard parts. Let someone else run around in big girl army panties.