Thank You Anonymous!

I wrote this last night in response to an Anonymous post on a blog entry that I posted yesterday and then deleted.  Here it is from my email inbox

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Here We Go": 

Oh, please! Put your big girl Army wife panties on and deal with it. 

Posted by Anonymous to five girls the army and me at February 16, 2011 5:47 PM

I wrote the post yesterday for me. It was the sort of post to just get something off my mind, yet record it so I wouldn't  forget the moment.  I know many of you read it before it was deleted, but for those of you who didn't, it was very brief ... only a couple of lines.  Anyway, it was not my intention to sound like I couldn't survive a deployment.  It was more of a response to an exhaustion of I just didn't want to.

I didn't post this response because I just wanted to think about it for a while.  And think about it I did.  And you know what?  I owe ANONYMOUS a thank you.  While I do not think whoever this person is did the "right" thing in posting a very mean comment, it really put a little motivation in me.  So, thank you to whoever you are!  I really did some soul searching last night and realized just how blessed I am.  God has provided me with so much strength and endurance.  In all of the years of deployments and babies, I've never had a maid.  I have been able to continue to homeschool my girls.  I've not had to take prescription drugs to get through a deployment or a reunion.  I've never cheated on my husband or even desired to.  I've never spent a night out at the bars with the girls living it up to escape reality, and I still manage to iron my shirts, wash my hair, make three meals and tuck the girls in after curling up with stories each day.  So again, thank you Anonymous for the encouragement you sent!  Now if you could just send me some new big girl Army wife panties, I'd appreciate it.  I think I've worn mine out.



Below is my response to "Anonymous."

(Daddy's home November 09)

Wow. So I just received my first classless comment.  Lovely.  I have this blog for me.  It is a little different of an outlet than my paper journal.  It is a glimpse into my life and a way I can hold myself accountable to remember my countless blessings.  Sometimes in order to do that we have to acknowledge our struggles, label them and then move on, only later to reflect and see the blessing in them or in the process of getting through them.

I am an Army wife.  I love being an Army wife because I love my husband and he is in the Army, so therefore that makes me love being an Army wife.  I posted earlier about our upcoming separation for training and then a deployment.  In the last 8 years my husband has been home 2.  This deployment will take him from us 18 months.  That is roughly 540 days.  Our oldest started Kindergarten during his first separation from us that was supposed to be just 2 weeks, but after his being gone a week and a half, a fellow Officer showed up at our door to get more clothes ... enough for a little over 5 months.  When he returns from this deployment, she will be halfway through the 9th grade.  On top of that, he is out processing his current duty station to be reassigned to the one he'll deploy from and then once his deployment is over, we are assigned to yet another duty station.  So, I get to experience selling our house and moving alone.  This is the first house we've ever owned, thus the first house we've ever had to sell.  No, this is not a worse case scenario, but there is a whole lot there to take in.  At least there is for me.  I don't know about ANONYMOUS, who so kindly encouraged me to "Put my big girl Army panties on," but for me it is all a little draining.  Am I unthankful for my life?  No.  Do I not see the blessings in my life?   Yes, I do.  Will I survive the next year and a half?  By God's grace, I'm fully confident that I will more than survive.  But am I excited about the separation?  Absolutely not.  Will I sit around and cry my eyes out?  Maybe some, but not non-stop.  Will I feel sorry for myself?  No.  I am thankful that God has given me, a sinner, a capacity to love and miss my husband, another sinner.  What an amazing gift that is!  Do I struggle with the balance of living each day now and not trying to "wish" the days away.  TOTALLY!  Sometimes I think it is almost impossible to find the balance there.  With all of the planning for the future, it is so difficult to remain focused on the present!

--- sigh ---

I do not deny that God has placed our family here in a civilian community for a reason.  I enjoy so much about being set apart from the military community, but I miss the comforts it brings in times like this.  I know, however, that God has us here to grow us in His likeness.  I am excited about the end result, but refining is so hard:).

I have served our country via the support of my husband.
I have served our country via countless volunteer hours in the Army.  I have been so graciously thanked by being awarded various awards and I was even so humbled to have received The Outstanding Civilian Service Medal.

I am not a wimp and I am in no need of big girl Army panties.  (and please tell me someone else is laughing at how ridiculous that statement is!!)

I am wife, who gets frustrated from time to time with her husband:), but who wholeheartedly adores him and enjoys having him around.  I love life and I hate war.  And I 100% believe that I absolutely do not dishonor my husband by saying that if I had a choice, I'd rather have him home.  There is no honor in stoicism, nor is there any truth in it either.

Whoever you are Anonymous, I will pray for you tonight.  You are a coward to comment so harshly without a face and you are out of line to pass judgement on another who you only know bits and pieces about.

To God be the Glory!