Some Days

If I were to say that homeschooling has been a journey for me, I'm sure I would be like the umpteenth person to have made that comment.  And when people ask me "why did you choose to homeschool," I have that same feeling of wordiness as I do when people ask "when did you become a Christian?"  I don't remember the exact date or moment that I chose to follow Christ, and I don't have a straight forward, unchanging answer as to how I begun this journey.  I've had moments where I've doubted a lot about how things are going, and I've had a LOT of moments of near loss of all composure ... and anyone who homeschools mulitple children (especially LITTLE children) has ... even if they won't admit it:).  I believe in homeschooling and love it.  HOWEVER (you knew it was coming, right?!), some days I just feel completely defeated.  Today was one of those days.  It wasn't a bad day.  I decided that this week we would put aside the "normal" day to day and spend time focusing on the areas where each girl is not at full potential (that we can do this is one of the great benefits of homeschooling).  We also spent some time working on Valentine's that need to be put in the mail tomorrow.  We even played outside as a family, too!  Yet today was a day where I really could have used a magic power to revert time back to summer, so the girls could play outside all day in the sprinkler and I could spend the day mulling over curriculum choices and mapping out a detailed plan of attack for each school day.  Today was one of those days where I missed SO much having a plan that worked for everyone and thus TIME to spend with the girls and just not be so busy.  I missed the girls playing with other children today, too.  We've been here a year and it is so lonely. Children in our neighborhood don't get home until after we've come inside and usually don't come out to play until after 6, when we are well into our dinner preparations or are sitting down to eat.  We haven't really found a niche for them either, as far as homeschooling coops/groups.  It's just been one of those years and while I know God is in full control, as a Momma it is hard at the end of the day to know that the day was a day of seed planting, but harvest is still so far away.  Times have changed so much for our family.  We have more that we homeschool and they have different interests and needs than those that came before them.  I want so much to offer each of them their own personal homeschooling space and endless extra curricular activities of their choice, along with tons of friends around every corner ... but that is not possible, nor is it where we are right now.  I need to take my eyes off of my self and put them on God.  I am limited .. in my time, energy, capabilities, wisdom, etc. ... but He is limitless.  So as I look back on my oldest in second grade and compare that to my second born in second grade, my prayer is that I first and foremost trust that God is supplying all of her needs and second that I rejoice in the blessings that I had then and rejoice in the blessings that I will one day look back and see that I have now.  

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Psalm 1