Downhill

As I loaded the dishwasher this afternoon I watched through the window behind my sink a hummingbird feeding on a hanging basket that my neighbor has on his front porch.  I felt my phone vibrate.  I pulled it out of my pocket knowing exactly who was calling.  It was the call I was waiting for and the call that I dreaded.  As I heard, "Well, we're loading the plane, so this is it ... just wanted to tell you that I love you one more time ..." my heart felt like it was beating a million beats per minute and I struggled to catch my breath.  Both sadness and pride swelled within me.  I was standing in the kitchen in our home in Georgia while my husband was loading a plane in Texas on his way to war.  Oh how I instantly yearned to feel his cheek next to mine just one more time.  How I tried really hard to remember what he smelled like, but I just couldn't.  

I have cried so much the past few days and yet held back even more tears than you could imagine.  

This never gets any easier.  It never does.  

I am about to take Kate and Hanson Ellis to dance.  Our second trip to the studio today.  Olivia is napping, Parker and Patterson are finishing school.  Life goes on.  I'm glad it does ... but it's not without a struggle today. And when night comes and the girls are in bed, I am going to miss opening the laptop and talking to Misoman on FaceTime.  He always has the best stories ... little history lessons each night:).  He is so good at distracting me (and himself) when the separation is too much.  Yes, I'm glad we are moving forward; phase two, as Richard puts it.  Tomorrow will be easier.  But for now, my heart aches so much my stomach hurts.   And I'm going to miss tonight's history lesson from Richard more than anything.  

Thank you Lord for my husband and for sweet moments to hold on to.  

Downhill from here ...